Table Talk: Local Etiquette Experts Dish on Making the Most of Manners
By Stacy Moser | Photography by Kati Maxwell
Most savvy businesspeople know that networking with others is essential in promoting their business. But many find that, when interacting with colleagues or clients, attention to good, old-fashioned manners sets them apart from the crowd, whether they’re entertaining guests at the office, on the golf course or pitching a proposal over dinner out.
Local etiquette gurus Ann Secrest and former Temple Mayor Danny Dunn both grew up in households where good manners were modeled by their parents not only at the dinner table, but throughout the day. Over the last two decades, they’ve both volunteered their time hosting workshops for teens and adults that focus on how to make the best impression. Here, they offer their thoughts on navigating the rules of polished, polite behavior.
Remember Your Purpose
Danny: I think there’s always a notion that manners are something devised to make people uncomfortable. But I think that, by exhibiting good manners, you’re trying to put your guest at ease.
Ann: That’s the purpose of manners! Be considerate of those around you and help them feel welcome. It’s not necessarily a matter of which fork to use, it’s much more about being considerate of others at all times.
Communication Time
Ann: Pay attention to the time of day when you contact someone. People have texted me at 5:30 in the morning or very late in the evening and that doesn’t leave a great impression. And think about a person’s downtime—for instance, avoid communication with clients during early evenings if they have small children and will be preoccupied.
To Answer or Not to Answer
Danny: If you’re expecting a call when you’re dining with a client, let them know so it won’t be an annoyance when you have to answer it. Unfortunately, we’re tied to our phones, but that shouldn’t intrude on your conversation.
Ann: Unless it’s an emergency, turn your phone off. Period.
Dress for Success
Danny: If you’re undecided about what to wear to a meeting, consider your client’s business culture—that dictates what to wear. When in doubt, always over-dress. Showing up in a formal outfit when your client is dressed casually is way better than arriving in short sleeves and your client is in a suit.
Ann: And plan ahead for rain—an umbrella is essential for arriving unwrinkled.
Grab the Check
Danny: When the check comes and the server asks who gets it, I don’t want it to be awkward for my guest. I pick up the tab when I’m the one who arranged the lunch or dinner.
Model It for the Kids
Danny: When I was a boy, my mom would remain standing next to her chair at the dining-room table until it would finally occur to me to pull it out and seat her. It was something instilled in me from an early age. She wanted me to have the best manners possible; it was very important to her.
Ann: It’s never too soon to start teaching manners to your children. They soak it up and, next thing you know, they’re teaching their friends!
Light Bites and Tea or Coffee
Arusha’s Coffee
Perfect for a client who:
- is a fan of loose-leaf teas and freshly roasted coffee (iced or hot) with out-of-the-ordinary flavors
- is short on time
- would appreciate the historic, eclectic vibe and vintage furniture
126 N. East St., Belton
ArushasCoffeeCo.com, 254-933-2233
Elegant Dinner
Cheeves Bros. Steak House
Perfect for a client who:
- prefers to do business in a quiet setting, where it’s easy to talk
- admires an old-world ambiance
- appreciates a gourmet menu and extensive wine list
14 E. Avenue A, Temple
Cheeves.com, 254-742-2300
Location, Location, Location
Wining and dining can be elevated to an art form if you choose the location of your meeting wisely. Always keep in mind your game plan—to land a deal, build a relationship, make a sale. Choose the right restaurant and the dining experience will work to your advantage.
“Pick a restaurant that offers local flavors if your guests are from out of town—take them out for Mexican food or barbecue,” Danny says. “If it’s a serious business meeting, though, I’d ask my guest what their preference is first.” Ann nods in agreement, “Say to them, ‘I’d like to take you to dinner, what’s your favorite spot?’”
Leisurely Lunch
Stagecoach Inn Restaurant & Bar
Perfect for a client who:
- will be impressed with the historical setting, filled with local cowboy lore
- is a more adventurous eater—the menu features local favorites with creative culinary twists
- would enjoy a pre-dinner drink at the posh bar or by the cozy fireplace
416 S. Main St., Salado
StageCoachSalado.com, 254-947-5111
Casual Breakfast
Lynette’s Church Street Bake Shoppe
Perfect for a client who:
- wants to meet before the workday starts
- is more comfortable with a casual breakfast or lunch
- likes to eat out on the patio in good weather
- would appreciate a to-go box filled with freshly baked muffins
100 N. Church St., Salado, 254-947-4006
Facebook.com/LynettesChurchStreetBakeShoppe
Table Tips
While keeping up with the latest trends in marketing is a daunting task, one aspect of promotion hasn’t changed over time—successful business deals are often struck and relationships are fostered while seated at the table for a meal. As your competitor at the next table replies to texts on her cell phone and slurps the soup, you can impress your dinner guest by adhering to a few simple rules of thumb.
Do Your Homework: Pick a restaurant that’s not too noisy or distracting to hold a conversation. Visit the restaurant’s website prior to the meeting. You don’t want to mispronounce a menu item or labor over a complicated wine list.
Introductions: When introductions are necessary, introduce a younger person to an older person, using the older person’s name first. “Mrs. Gomez, this is Adam.” Present people to a distinguished guest and explain your relationship to them. “Governor, this is my colleague, Sharona.”
Take Charge of Seating: Your dinner guests should have seats with the best view. As the host, take the least-desirable spot at the table—the one facing the wall, kitchen or restrooms.
Stay in the Middle of the Menu: Don’t order the priciest or the cheapest dish. Pick food you can cut and chew easily and that you won’t be wearing later. (Hint: A splash of pasta sauce on your shirt will be the Red Badge of Shame back at the office. And quinoa gets stuck in your teeth every time.)
Now’s Not the Time to Get Buzzed: If your client orders an alcoholic beverage, you can order one too. Order one glass and sip it slowly so it doesn’t get refilled.
Ease into Your Talking Points: Wait until everyone at the table has been served food to start business discussions. There’s nothing worse than having a server unwittingly interrupt your totally awesome sales pitch.
Learn More
Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, speaker, author and TV personality, owns The Protocol School of Texas in San Antonio, which specializes in executive leadership and business etiquette training. In her book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life, she engages readers with a straightforward approach to daily etiquette dilemmas that is current, informative and fun. Page Street Publishing Co., 2017
Be Thankful
“I can’t tell you how much people appreciate a handwritten thank-you note,” Ann says, explaining that sending one will set you apart from the pack.
“If someone buys you lunch, send an email thanking them,” Danny advises. “Then, even after you’ve sent an email, you can jot a thank-you note saying, ‘Hey, I just wanted to touch base again. I enjoyed having lunch with you the other day and I hope to get together soon.’”
Where to Buy
- Paperdoodles, Paperdoodles.com, 1401 S. 31st St., Temple, 254-773-8331
- Barnes & Noble, BarnesAndNoble.com, 201 E. Central Texas Expy., Harker Heights, 254-690-1592
